Most Americans in Favor of Death Star
Despite early polls indicating most Americans were against the building of a colossal planet killing orb, public sentiment seems to have swung largely in favor of the proposed “Death Star”.
Support for The Death Star’s construction remains sharply split along demographic and ideological lines, with Republicans coming in strongly in favor of the proposed project.
Despite early polls indicating most Americans were against the building of a colossal planet killing orb, public sentiment seems to have swung largely in favor of the proposed “Death Star”
What are the benefits of a Death Star?
The public works project will employ an estimated 1,000,000 Americans with most jobs benefiting the struggling middle class. Initially, the Death Star was seen as too controversial to be approved by the Ways and Means Committee but after public support for the project reached a a fever pitch, lawmakers approved the measure.
Why do we need a Death Star?
Ask most Americans and they’ll set their sites far below the stratosphere to Mexico and Syria.
Florida contractor and serial drunk driver Randy Gosten offered his opinion on the subject while standing in a Wal-Mart parking lot waiting for the Miller High Life spill to dry off his car seat’s upholstery.
“Ever hear of ISIS? Or immigrants? We need The Death Star to stop Mexicans from taking our jobs, ISIS killing people and homosexuals from getting married.”
But how would The Death Star stop gay marriage?
“I’m not a scientist. Something with lasers?”
The Death Star is Not a Media Darling
White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus slammed media scrutiny of The Death Star earlier this week while appearing on “Fox and Friends”.
“I’m saying there’s an obsession by the media to delegitimize The Death Star, and we are not going to sit around and let it happen,” Priebus said. “We are going to fight back tooth and nail every day, and twice on Sunday. The Death Star is good for space and good for the United States of America.”
Presidential Support for The Death Star
Recently elected President Trump has been one of the biggest supporters of The Death Star Project and won the election partly because of his promise to build it. Recetly Trump was asked about the size of The Death Star and spoke in a string of superlatives.
“This Death Star is going to be huge. It’s going to have a laser. Did I mention this laser? It’s fantastic. It’s a beam, now I don’t understand the technology but it’s the best beam. Just the best laser any scientist has ever seen.”
There has been backlash, however.
Critics of The Death Star marched all over the country opposing the Death Star Plan. Wendy Johnson, a graphic designer for Salesforce questioned the legitimacy of the proposal.
“Do we really need a Death Star? I’m all for the jobs but couldn’t we build like a Life Mountain or something? Feels like we might be sending the wrong message to the galaxy with this one.”
Despite those concerns, The White House is still pushing the plan while trying to quiet some of the proposals most outspoken critics.
In an interview on “Meet the Press”, Counselor to The President, Kellyanne Conway offered an alternate take on things. “Why would you be afraid of a Death Star? Maybe you’re doing something wrong. If you’re not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about. The Death Star’s laser is very precise.”
The Death Star Mandate
While millions of Americans have marched the streets opposing the proposed Death Star there are many that feel there is an air of inevitability about its eventual construction.
Tony James of Providence, Rhode Island offered a fatalistic take on the possibility.
“Look, the American people, a lot of them, certainly not all of them or even most of them voted for Trump so whatever terrible thing he wants to make is going to happen, at least until the midterms.”
“The American people have lost their country. They have ceded control to a Billionaire Boys Club that doesn’t care about them yet they can not see it. They are gambling on a sport that the participants aren’t even playing. Did you watch any of the Betsy Devos nomination hearing?
What does she know about education? And yet she is nominated for Secretary of Education. Why would anybody do this? Her family gave 200 million to the Republican Party over the years so this is just a club that doles out ceremonial political favors? How can a country run like this? How is this possible? And how can anyone not see it? They elected Trump. They let this happen. I say bring on the Death Star.”