Here is the first draft of the speech I will deliver on my friend Mike _____’s wedding day on December 7th, 2013.
When Mike first asked me to be his best man, first I thought: good choice…my second thought was “Oh shit, I have to make a speech”.
Lucky for him and for me, I give amazing speeches.
Mike ______ was born a bowl cut hairdo wearing freckle faced so and so in Providence Rhode Island at the height of terrible turtleneck sweaters and bad facial hair. He barreled through life with reckless abandon, laughing devilishly along the way.
Until one day…disaster.
Some say he killed that man that day but I say that man died the moment he uttered the name Mike ______. When they found that man’s body, his finger was frozen pointed straight ahead accusatorally at his attacker, the man they now call Mike _______.
Some say men can change. Others say man is forged in iron from birth and he must burn in the fires of life to become what the Lord made him. I say a man is a product of the life forces he consumes along his twisted path of destruction and murder.
So does Mike _______. AKA Rubberneck. AKA The Soul Swallower.
May fortune smile upon Mike ______ this day…wherever he is. Cheers!