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Brian Williams was there, Man!

Lot of talk lately about Brian Williams and where he might have been and where he might not have been.  He was suspended for six months without pay because he lied about being in a helicopter or whatever.  A lot of people lie about being in helicopters.  Helicopters are cool and not too many people get to ride in them.  I mean, I’ve been in a helicopter (that is a lie) but you don’t see me bragging about it!

So Brian Williams wasn’t in a helicopter that got shot at.  Big deal.  Most people haven’t been in a helicopter that’s been shot at.  So Brian Williams is more like most people than he probably wants to be.  If anything, Brian Williams is only guilty of being as uninteresting as most people.

But, hey, at least he can say that his daughter had on-screen analingus!  

Brian Williams: He may not have flown with Seal Team 6 but his daughter got her butthole eaten on HBO.  That deserves at least a three month reduction on his suspension.

And maybe Brian Williams wasn’t lying at all…maybe, just maybe he experiences time in a different way than most people.  I mean, the guy is the LEAD ANCHOR OF NBC NEWS.  You don’t get there by being just some jerk who gushes forth seed that produces the next Peter Pan.  No.  You get there by seeing things-newsworthy things.  IMPORTANT THINGS.  Below are some items I have unearthed in my examination of the story of Brian Williams.  I can neither confirm nor deny the veracity of these documents, but, if true, they shed light on Mr. Williams’ claims of being present for some of the world’s note-worthy events.

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Hoop Hall Classic

Spending the weekend in “beautiful” Springfield, Massachusetts watching the Hoop Hall Classic.  The tourney, featuring some of the top high school basketball talent in the country is a deluge of basketball over the course of three days.  I’m sitting baseline for the tournament capturing some highlights and pics for CoxHub and here’s a few videos from the event.

University of Kentucky recruit: Isaiah Briscoe

Montverde Academy Block

Brewster Academy Three

And New Hampton Prep with an Alley oop

bear at the table

A Bear Reacts to Almost Being Shot

Whoa!

That bullet almost nailed me!  Whizzed right by my head no kidding!

 I was walking through the forest today looking for some food (as I do) when all of a sudden I hear this loud BANG and feel something whizz by my head.  I look behind me and there a massive smoking hole in the tree right behind me.  Must have missed me by inches.  I whipped my head around and saw a human with a BANG stick pointed at me and it looked like that human was planning on making that stick bang again.  I am not one to overstay my welcome, so I started sprinting away from the human and back to my home in the rocks.

I’ve seen what happens to my kind when they are struck by bang sticks. 

I was foraging through some human’s leaving circles outside their warm box and saw a small colony of humans through a glass box sitting around a warm fire.  And wouldn’t you know it, they were lying down on my Uncle Fred’s dead body.  His mouth was open and he was looking all surprised.  (I would be too, if that bang stick hit me).  Uncle Fred wouldn’t have minded a human lying down on him.  He was into all sorts of stuff.  But I imagine he would have wanted it to happen while he was alive.  To suffer this indignity now, while dead?  With his eyes still open?  No.  He wouldn’t have wanted that.

So I’m glad that bullet didn’t nail me.  No offense, but I don’t want humans to lie down on me.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try and catch a fish with my mouth.